boomeroo has a story that he tells from when he and dodgeotter were dating. They were laying in bed together, and boomeroo farts. All the time (a habit which has rubbed off on me). And this particular one was so bad dodgeotter said, "I feel like I'm covered in a layer of poo."

Then there's the time when someone (I forget who) was over here and the context of discussion was farts (I'm sure someone had just farted) and somebody said something about their "AIM away" and it was misheard as "anal wave".

Triggur is now yelling at me for claiming I farted as bad as he does :)

Confucius say:

Man who farts in church sits in own pew.

*is chuckling at work*

For me, the gastro-intestinal activity stats depend a lot on the day - and mostly, the diet leading up to it. There are days when I don't fart at all - and days when I worry that someone might find out my production capabilities, kidnap me, stuff a tube up my ass, and feed me beans while running an entire factory on biogas fuel, saving millions by not burning fossil fuels!

Loudness used to be a problen, but after years of experience, I can usually keep it down to a dull roar. Smell's another thing - again, almost certainly diet related. Sometimes mercifully unscented, but sometimes... sometimes I leave my cubicle for a few minutes to let the air clear. As for range, I can't clear a room, but I'm sure my cubicle neighbours notice. No one's actually SAID anything, but I've seen a few surprised and confused looks as people walk by.

I didn't know any good fart jokes off the top of my head, so my frighteningly-knowledgable friend Google told me a few until I found a good one that I liked:

A man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying in bed for a few minutes the man lets rip a fart.
Wifey rolls over and growls, "What in God's name was that?"
Man says, "TOUCHDOUWN, I'm ahead, 7 to nothing!!!"
A few minutes later the wife lets rip a Scorcher.
Husband says, "Crikey, what was that?"
She replies "Touchdown, tie score."
The man lays there for about 10 minutes trying to work one up. He tries so hard he craps in bed.
The wife asks, "Now what in the world was that?"
He replies, "Halftime, switch sides."

Too much? Yeah? Perfect. :)

B.

I'm not a Skunkie for no reason, ya know ;)

I have curled the finest nosehairs for all of my 45 ish years. feed me ice cream, BBQ, or oatmeal cookies...and run XD

An elderly couple were sitting in church when the woman leans over and whispers to her husband "Honey, I just let out a silent fart. What should I do?" And her husband whispers back, "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."

My family are Canadian rednecks, so I grew up on a steady diet of fart jokes and other people's gases. My uncle in the army isn't allowed to eat eggs, because he would contravene international bio-weapon laws.

Can't think of any good fart jokes, but here's a favorite comic strip on the subject:

From PartiallyClips..."

Wait... so the people portrayed on the Red Green Show really exist??

Yes. And I'm related to some of 'em.

I've always been partial to:

Why do farts smell?
So deaf people can enjoy them too!